Why don't stoners get into arguments? Because they take the high road.

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A woman asked her friend, "Why is your husband so punctual when returning home from work?" The friend replied, "I made a simple rule: Sex will begin at 7 pm sharp, whether he is there or not."

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

What do you call a family that grows Marijuana in their backyard? A Joint Family.

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What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.