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So I am going to just cum out and say it, my boyfriend caught me masturbating with a carrot. His first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts. Told her I like a nicely curved dick . Apparently, this isn't an appropriate answer at KFC.

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I would tell you a penis joke… But I don’t want to come across as cocky.