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A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
 
I was asked to speak at a club for helping people with premature ejaculation. I asked what I should wear to the speech: They told me I could just come in my pants
 
I just read an article about premature ejaculation during masturbation. It might come in handy.
 
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If a dove is the "bird of peace" then what's the bird of "true love"? The swallow.