My mom told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, 'Can I have a new bike?' He was very u...

The stork is the bird that brings the baby, but a swallow's the one to prevent it.

I would tell you a penis joke… But I don’t want to come across as cocky.

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

I’d make a masturbation joke. But they always get out of hand.

What’s a good way to masturbate??? Get somebody to do it for you

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

If you were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that your addiction got out of hand?

My boyfriend went to bed naked. I think he has a boner to pick with me.

Who does anal? Assholes.

What's the difference between a hair stylist and a nail stylist? One does hand jobs and one does blow jobs!

Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs? He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been fucking the chickens!

How do you rape a camel? One hump at a time.

If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?

If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? The cop!